Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
