D3 body, D1 cock
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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