I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
