My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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