Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
