yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
