You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
