Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize