I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
