I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
