it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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