i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
