i don't like sucking hair
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
someone get that fucking seahorse.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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