I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
