I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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