Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
