His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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