I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
