She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's like iHOP with fire
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I didn't notice because vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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