we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
