Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
