I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
