So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
