Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
