he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
