Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
