Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
