I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
