No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
