it was like his penis was on wheels.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
