We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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