thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
