thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
