This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
