dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
