woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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