Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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