The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
