he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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