woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
