Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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