apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
