Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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