I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
