This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
