Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
