He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
