I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
