Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
