apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
