If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
