I can tuck mytits in my pants
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
