i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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