I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
