Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Randomize
