I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
