I think my fart just growled at me.
i was born a porn star she said
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
