Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
