Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
