dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
