I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
