I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I love you.
Bad choice
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize