I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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