just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
