where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
