1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
