It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
