I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
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