dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
