I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
