Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
