Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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